It isn't what I want it to be. 

Learn from here I shall.

I will work harder. 

From disappointment we learnt.

From here I shall work even harder.

I do not want to stay a loser like this anymore.

Encouragement I give myself,

is not enough.

All I have for motivations is just me.

I need something or someone which or whom is able to give me a push.

And I don't expect that coming from my family.

Not to mention even my Mom.

Whole day, I didn't even eat anything. 

When she came back home from work. She didn't even pack food for me.

Not to say give me money to buy food to eat.

When I told her I am going to the friendly match.

She gave me 5 dollars, and so one whole day I ate one meal. 

And I had to borrow from friends. One freaking 5 dollar to filled my stomach. 

"Thanks mom. You're the greatest."

Damn.

And that damn loser, always coming my house.

Always smoking in the house.

It's not that I discriminate smokers. 

I just didn't like the idea of them smoking in my house.